Consumed — Artist Statement

This painting is about the years I was 15 to 18. It's the most personal piece I've made.

I moved out of my parents' house when I was 15. I met a man named Jimmy — quiet, mysterious, the kind of person you can't quite read. We married on my 16th birthday.

This piece comes from one specific night. I sat on the steps outside our apartment for over 12 hours, waiting for him to come home. When he finally did, he wasn't sorry. He was annoyed — annoyed that I'd been waiting, annoyed that I was worried, annoyed by how desperate I looked.

For a long time I thought that night was about him. It wasn't. I was unwell. I was consumed — not by him specifically, but by a pattern of needing to be chosen, needing to be enough, that had nothing to do with who was standing in front of me. He and I divorced when I was 18, and I just replaced him with other people, other things. I didn't get real help for the codependency underneath all of it until I was in my 30s.

I don't paint from that place anymore. I painted this from a distance — close enough to get the feeling right, far enough that it didn't undo me. The pyrography lines burned into the panel before I ever picked up a brush are, to me, what that period left behind: not visible on the surface, but there under everything, permanent.

If someone in your life is in a relationship like that one, they probably need more help than you realize. People don't talk about codependency enough. They should.

Consumed — oil and pyrography on wood panel, 24" × 32". Unframed, hand-painted black edges, signed, includes certificate of authenticity.